Happy Relationships Make Happy Retirements
According to a landmark Harvard study, solid relationships comprise certain fundamental traits. Ask yourself these questions: Whom would you call in the middle of the night in a moment of crisis? Who prompts you to undertake new ventures? Who knows your intimate secrets? Who has been a comrade, sharing major experiences? Who makes you laugh and cheers you up?
Definitive research
The groundbreaking Harvard Study of Adult Development has tracked 724 men for 85 years. Starting with 268 sophomores in 1938, researchers looked at their physical and mental health. Early recruits included president-to-be John F. Kennedy and Ben Bradlee of eventual Washington Post fame.
In the 1970s, control groups were broadened to include 456 inner-city Boston residents. The longitudinal study continues even now, mainly financed by the National Institute on Health and the National Institute on Aging. The subject is more relevant than ever for retirees.
The current directors of the program, Robert Waldinger and Marc Shulz, published in January 2023 their book, “The Good Life: Lessons From the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness.” The book examines personal accounts from the Harvard participants, also supported by further research. Current conclusions still point in the same direction to relationships, whether between families, romantic partners, co-workers, tennis partners or book club members.
Waldinger, who is a Zen priest, as well as a psychiatrist at Massachusetts General Hospital and a professor at Harvard Medical School, has expanded the research to the second generation and aims to include the third and fourth.
Predictors of happiness and health
Humans are wired to seek social companionship. William Chopik at Michigan State University has studied how benefits of relationships evolve with aging. He discovered that in retirement years, “friendship quality often predicts health more than the quality of other relationships.”
Health is, of course, an integral element of retirement satisfaction, and relationships have a direct impact on physical well-being. Indeed, social ties are better predictors of long and fulfilled lives than social class, intelligence or genes. A number of researchers have found that satisfactory relationships at 50 can be a more accurate predictor of health than cholesterol levels.
The psychiatrist George Vaillant, who led the Harvard study from 1972 to 2004, made a remarkable discovery. He found that genetics and long-lived relatives are less likely to determine longevity than satisfaction with personal relationships during the middle years. He also unearthed a new view of personality development. Vaillant observed that personalities are not set “like plaster” by the age of about 30. He noted that early “train wrecks” often turned out to be “wonderful octogenarians!”
Invest in friends
Humans thrive because they can act collectively. Anthropologist Robin Dunbar suggests people can maintain about 150 stable social relationships.
Social ties require a sustained investment, just like stock portfolios and real estate. Women appear to invest more successfully in their relationships, which they can then draw upon after retirement, outside the workplace. But it becomes more challenging for everyone to make and to nurture friendships as we age. The effort involves time and money. We all lose some friends as we get older. They may move away, become ill or die. It can be difficult to replace social circles in the absence of available networks of work or education. Retirees may be hesitant to spend additional money on social activities.
You can act intentionally to preserve relationships. Don’t seek happiness as the goal. Instead, focus on the social goals that lead to happiness.
- Cultivate casual relationships too.
- Reach out at least once daily for a conversation.
- Make time to volunteer.
- Learn to apologize.
- Ask questions and show interest in others.
- Express warmth and affection.
- Don’t fear being vulnerable — allow three rejections before you give up on someone.
While your financial planner is busy optimizing your financial future, you must take charge of your own social, physical and emotional well-being.
